But sometimes I try really hard to be. This, of course, never works out. My disappointment in my imperfect self turns to apathy towards everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. Suddenly, since nothing is ever done as well as I think it should be, it isn't worth doing at all. That's the crazy talking, but it happens. Then this girl does almost nothing since nothing is good enough.
Well maybe nothing is "good enough," but who cares? Life goes on, with or without perfection.
Yet for some reason, though I am able to see the flaws and imperfections in other people, I do not become apathetic towards them. I love them all the same. There are always those few who act appallingly and when they don't listen to reason get ostracized for a time or for forever, but in general, their flaws don't detract from their other personal merits. Why do I not take this view towards myself? If one thing is not absolutely right, everything is wrong and nothing counts. It's like flinging myself off a bridge because I had a bad hair day. That's the crazy, acting.
There's a lot of crazy in me. But then, anyone who was ever interesting was crazy, too. At least there's that.
It's hard to not try to be perfect all by myself. Or at all. I try to not try. Or rather, I try to just let God do it. That shouldn't be hard, but it is. Maybe it's because of the crazy.
Maybe it's all because of the crazy.
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