i can't sleep.

Things have happened since last I posted.

I'm learning what it is to be loved. And how easy it can be to love someone who loves you in return. It is far easier than when they do not. It makes me think of how painful it must be for God to love people who don't love Him. To be ignored, as though He were not there. It's painful enough for one person to do it to another. But for populations of people created by Him to care not...one cannot even imagine how grievous it must be. Sometimes I feel as though I must be like the prostitute-turned-wife, who keeps falling back to her old life. But He comes for me and catches me up from it. And soon enough, His love will be so overwhelming that I will never dare try to leave His presence, "for your husband is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of Hosts."

It hurts to be brushed off. I can think of one who was close to me who is not, now. Every time I see her, I am grieved, for it was a relationship I cherished. I am saddened. I did not know that one decision could begin a series of dominoes that yet continues to be hurtful. Do people not care? They must know. Or do they not have ears for hearing? As long as they do, they must know. Do they not care? Does she not care? I hope she is happy. I hope at least that she has found joy in my pain. To put both in pain would be nonsensical.

But I suppose people are just that; nonsensical.